Lendon Telesford

Behind closed doors: No secrets…No lies

Tell me!

What do you see?

Hey! You, did I stutter?

Tell me, what do you see?

There is more to me than what your eyes can see.

Though I stand before you elegantly poised, I know I look human

But what I am really, is bruised

I know you think you want to know who or what I am

But once I let you into this bubble there is no escaping

And the closest experience you’ll have to life is suffocating

But if I don’t tell you, I lose again

[Sigh]… I’m tired!

I’ve lied to myself so many times that my very existence seems to be the greatest lie ever constructed

And I know this sounds unbelievable

But you better believe that it is unbelievable when one finds solace in self-destruction, because it’s an easier truth to accept than death.

But though I have life, I have not lived.

And escape is no longer a word in my vocabulary because my quest for living has long ended.

Now, I just want to survive

You can’t begin to imagine what I’ve gone through.

I could tell you.

But I’m yet to find any words or phrases coined to adequately describe my position.

Just to put it into perspective, let just call it… anguish… no pain… no throbbing agony.

But who am I kidding?

These expressions don’t even represent a stroke in the painting that is my life.

[Sigh]… I’m tired!

You say education is my way to a better life.

Well believe me, I’ve tried

And in my exploration for better, I’ve only discovered that education seems to be my speed ticket to death.

For sounding smart was consent to beat the fuck [crap] out of me.

So tell me, what do you see?

I used to believe in love.

Yeah… I was your typical hopeless romantic

Excited by expressions of sensuality, blinded by the veil called intimacy

H.A.T.E… that is what I love now

Not because I want to, but because it’s the only thing that keeps me strong enough to support the idea of self-preservation.

In some other life, I’d call myself stupid.

But you can stop looking now

Let me save you the trouble of trying to figure out what it is you think you see.

I’ll tell you who I am.

I am the reality you are afraid to confront

I am the mother of creation, who breathes life into this world

But who has died so many times, behind closed doors.

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